Who has it? What is it? How do we get it? Happiness is subjective for everyone, but happiness must be defined by every person in order to be tangible. How does one achieve a goal without measurable tasks? It seems impossible to seek happiness but not know what must be done daily to have it.
So what is happiness? I ask clients to pretend as though they have a magic wand which they will use to make their life happy overnight. Then I ask, 'what has changed?' I often hear crickets to this question because it is difficult to envision what needs to change in our lives in order to achieve happiness if we do not examine the elements that make up our own personal happiness. Many psychotherapists, psychologists, and others in helping professionals claim to be happiness experts, but in reality, everyone who comes to therapy is the master and expert of his or her own happiness. It takes applied self-exploration to know what comprises happiness for you.
What does happiness mean to you? Is it feeling fulfilled by your job and family? Is it obtaining a goal, like a college degree or promotion? Or is it living in the moment and taking in the beauty of your surroundings? Is happiness comprised of other emotions, such as relaxation, excitement, energy, concentration, sadness, despair, or contentment? These are great questions to ask, but the deeper question left unanswered is, what measurable/attainable tasks must I accomplish each day in order to achieve my goal of happiness?
Instead of thinking that happiness is something that happens to you, a passive state, try to conceptualize happiness as something that you cultivate and nurture daily. If your goal is to feel happiness and fulfillment for most of your day every day, the tasks of meeting this goal must be concrete and based on knowledge of yourself to inform your choices (e.g. eating ten cupcakes might make someone feel happy in the moment but may cause lethargy, anxiety, or depression in the coming hours or days. The net outcome is not happiness.)
Maintaining a mostly happy life involves hard work and dedication to your cause at times. For example, I know that 30 minutes to an hour of exercise every day makes me happier, calmer, and feel better. I still struggle to do this because it does not bring immediate satisfaction to me personally. It is hard work to put in the time to maintain happiness through exercise but I KNOW that if I broke down the net outcome hour by hour the net outcome would be happiness. It would look something like this:
Being happy and fulfilled can be exhausting, taxing, and overwhelming, especially if you struggle with depression, anxiety, or other life stressors. If this is the case, start small! Create a goal of feeling happy (or whatever positive feeling it is that you wish to feel) for 5 minutes, 15 minutes, or an hour every day. Don't focus on big, overwhelming goals, but rather look for small things that bring you happiness like drawing or painting, listening to music, dancing in your house, smiling, playing with an animal, or anything else that brings on feelings of happiness without detracting from your overall well-being.
What does a state of happiness look like to you? And what do you have to do daily to feel happy?